The Accidental Country Girl: Remembrance

It's the 11th of the 11th 2000 and 11 and what a day?

What are you remembering today?

I'm remembering my Dad. He passed away 2 months ago. It still makes me cry all the time but I'm not surprised at all, it's still so new. What hurts me the most today is I remember where I was this time last year. I was living with my Daddy, about to move over to NSW. He had just received his medals of service from the army and we were having our moments silence together. I can't believe that was only a year ago, it feels like a lifetime ago.

Everything happens for a reason and we are put onto a path and guided. I see why I was sent to NSW now. We were too close. My parents split when I was about 12 and from that day I became very close with both my mum and my dad. Dad would have his custody weekends and have no idea what to do with me. It was just the two of us. He had dealt with my older brothers so much more as I was my mummy's baby girl (I still am at 27 by the way). We got to know each other, we hung out just the two of us. He got to learn what I loved and what I hated and most importantly he got me. Even before I moved away I saw him most weeks. I would finish work on a Friday at 2pm (joys of being a PT) and would head over to his, he would come meet me for lunch or we would just catch up at whatever we were doing. Yes one Friday afternoon I found myself at a tattoo show wearing my fitness lycra, one of my most uncomfortable experiences. But we were as thick as thieves.

Dad was sick for a while. He would never admit it because just like me, whatever is going on in your world everything is fine. He had cancer and it kept spreading and he kept getting treatment and it kept spreading. The hardest person to tell that I was moving to the other side of the country was him. He was fine with it he told me. He was watching the AFL grand final (his team was Collingwood) all by himself which made me sad. He knew I had to move. None of us knew that he wouldn't be here a year later but someone knew.

Moving to NSW got me away from the expectation that I would see him every week. When I would have a few hours spare I could call him and meet up and it got me out of that habit. Don't get me wrong I'm devastated by the fact he is gone but I think this moved helped me to deal with the loss. I had to toughen up a little and it's helped. If I hadn't I think I would be a complete mess. I told him that I couldn't imagine a life without him and he told me he wouldn't leave me. He hasn't, I still live in denial he is gone, he is just in Perth and that's why I haven't seen him in so long. It helps get me through.

All the memories we have I love. I loved every minute of being in your world and I will remember you forever xoxo.