To say that this year has been the roughest of my life is a complete understatement.
I haven't been able to blog. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I haven't been able to let you in. Still completely in the grips of grief but for the first time in a year, I'm feeling on top of the world. I cannot believe how good I'm feeling and this isn't one of those 'quietly I'm crying into my pillow' no I really feel on top of the world and I hope that it lasts.
Ok so what did you miss?
What happened that I couldn't tell you about?
My brother passed away. Yes within 6 months I lost my father and my eldest brother. And it hurt. It hurt a lot. With Dad I was very sad but Dad had been sick for a long time so you kinda do a bit of pre grieving if that even makes sense. You know what's going to happen and you cry for months beforehand but with Jay it was sudden.
Jay was 5 years older than me and he loved life in every which way possible, which meant that I grew up with quite a colourful childhood. As much as my parents have always tried to protect and shelter me as much as they could, I saw things others haven't but not as much as some. We lived with it and that was life, we didn't know any different.
He was a typical big brother with both of us (I have a middle brother, I am the baby). He would fight us no end, think running around the house screaming at the top of my lungs as he chased me and Beau and he getting into fisty cuffs over computer games, but if anyone else wanted to fight us, well he would not have it. He was well and truly our black sheep of the family but you had to love him, everyone did.
He left us at the way too young age of 32 but you will never be forgotten Jay. We had our ups and downs but I will always love you.
Our tribute to you.
Forever Young, Jay (Click the link)
In the words of Don McLean, 'This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.'